just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
