This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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