____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
