I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
