just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
