WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
