Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's official drugs can't kill me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
