Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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