he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize