I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
