I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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