ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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