I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
