I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
