why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
