i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
