I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
