in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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