Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
