I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
