Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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