he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
