Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
