Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
