I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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