Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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