Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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