Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're like the curious george of whores
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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