I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize