carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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