i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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