I accidentally burped into my bong.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
