strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
