you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
