After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So many bounce houses so little time
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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