I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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