My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
