you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
