She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
