we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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