Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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