Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
