a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
