Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
