I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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