I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
