I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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