Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
