Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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