I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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