Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
