I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
