The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
