90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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