I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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