Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
