fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
