Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
