i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
