Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
