It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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