I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
