Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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