He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
