nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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