To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
