At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
