her vagine was all disorganized.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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