do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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